Proof Reading.

Does anypony want to proof read my first chapter of my Red Dead Redemption-My Little Pony fanfic?
The first chapter is (pretty much) finished, but no other Bronies have read yet it so, you can give me constructive criticism, and hopefully tell me if how good (or bad) the writing is. Also here is the bad ass logo (my sister) made for the story:



Also what site(s) should I upload the story on? I don't meet the word requirement for Equestria Daily so I am already working on chapter two.

When I upload the story, I'll edit the link into this post or put it in a later post.

I would happily proof read the story for you, not done any in the past but I can at least look at it for you. And as for uploading it to a site, I see a lot of authors use google.doc for it. Looking at the site it looks like a simple strait upload to it.

i could also proof-read if you need, i have done some english teaching in my time, so don't mind.

Scrat

Ok then I'll post my fanfic on Googledocs and (unless there is anything majorly wrong with it, that I should change) work on the rest of it so I can upload it on Equestria Daily. That is when I get the time too, I'm very busy this summer, and I'll do it when I can.

YES! HERE YOU GO MY LOVELY PRE READERS.
Redemption in Equestria document editing 1
Make sure you comment on the story below, any editing or things you should think I should change also below. If you think you are going to go crazy (or be really nice) and you just want to edit the crap out of it, then I might make a document anyone can edit. Wait should I just make it so anyone can edit? E

But enough talk, have at you!

Not had chance to read this yet, but I'm off work tomorrow so shall give it a good read then and get back to you,

I know I said I would have read this the other day but I'm super busy ATM with work and helping a couple of my friends move house! But I should get some free time soon to read it. Sorry!

Just read your story and it's not bad, looking forward to where you go with it. The into bit at the start I reckon isn't really needed, I would start off with it being maybe a bit shorter and start with the Marshal going to break up the bar fight and giving John the bounty. But if you wan't to keep it (as you seemed to put a lot of work into it) I suggested adding a bit about the relationship between John and Williamson.

I downloaded the file and made some editions to it, I put them in red so you know what I changed. But I can't attach the file over the PMing on this site, so if you PM me a email or something I will send it over to you.

Chris

Thanks for your input, PM will be sent, and when I read your revisions I'll probably give some credit to you!